John Winchester
by My Ships
Summary: What happens when Sam starts digging into Dean's past? What about the history of Dean and John's relationship? Read on to find out!


**_Authors Note:_ I doubt that a lot of you will be expecting what happens in this story, and that Dean seems somewhat stronger on the show, but I feel like there is more to him than what meets the eye, and than what we hear from the show. I feel as if there are hidden meanings on the show and that there are suggestions as to Dean and John's relationship, and then Sam's view on his father, so I feel like I should bring those suggestions into my fanfic. Although not everyone will interpret relationships and views (on Supernatural) the way I have written them in this story, I am most certainly hoping that some people will. And even if most people don't view the show and Dean's feelings the way I've written them, or even if no one else does, I hope that this story is still enjoyable.**

**Also, I am completely up to debate with this story. I want to know if I wrote all of this well, who agrees, who disagrees, what your opinions are on the whole deal, etc. So please, review this and send me thought, and mind, provoking questions, thoughts, and "arguments."**

**By the way, if you don't view this the way I do, the three Winchesters will seem OOC to you. And even if you do view this the way I do, they are still a bit OOC so please keep that in mind.**

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"Dean, I just saved your ass in there so I think you owe me," Sam said, finishing off his beer as he and Dean were sitting on the trunk of the '67 Chevrolet Impala.

"I've saved your life plenty o' times. If anything, you owe me… _again_," Dean retorted, drinking out of the beer bottle that he held in his hand. Sam looked at Dean like he always did when he was being serious while Dean was being a smartass. When the older Winchester boy realized that his younger brother had already thought this conversation through, thoroughly, in his head, he decided to give him a moment. "Fine. What do you want?"

"I know that you loved Dad and all, but when we used to see him, you almost got intimidated and anxious, or something. And you seemed so protective over me. So what was really going on between you and Dad?" Sam inquired.

"Wanna beer?" Dean asked, avoiding the subject and grabbing another beer out of the cooler and handing it out to Sam.

"No... Thanks," Sam said. Dean put the bottle back in the cooler, dejectedly. "I want to know what Dad did to you," Sam replied back, sternly.

"Where the hell did this all come from?" Dean asked, his voice raising. He was obviously pissed and caught off guard.

"I don't know."

"To hell with that, Sammy! You had a reason behind the damn question and I deserve to know what it is."

"You see, that's the thing, Dean. Like I said, I saved your life so I deserve to know the answer." Dean didn't reply. "I know that you want the 'damn' reason. And trust me, I get that—"

"Do you really, Sam?" Dean challenged, cutting his brother off. "Because the last time I checked, you hadn't even _thought_ about Dad since we saw him last, which was _years_ ago. This question just came out of nowhere and I don't have to give you your damn answer. And it's not like he left an actual impression on you. So no, Sammy, you don't understand."

"See what I mean?" When Dean looked at Sam with this blank, confused expression, that held some anger in it, Sam decided to explain. "You get all strange and emotional when you talk about him. And it's pretty much as bad as when you think about when you were in Hell, if not even worse. So I wanna know how he emotionally traumatized you so much."

"That's the key word there. **Traumatized**. When someone's traumatized, they don't wanna talk about it and they shouldn't have to." Sam was about to reply, but, again, Dean cut him off. "There's a difference between you and me, Sammy. When your soul popped out of Lucifer's Cage and back into you, I didn't question you too much. I wasn't a complete bitch about what happened." Sam tried to argue with his brother, but Dean just talked louder and continued with what he was saying. "I tried to _protect_ you from knowing what was behind that wall. _You_ are the one who crashed it down, though. You're the one who had that whole panic attack or psychotic episode or whatever the hell you wanna call it. I didn't cause any of it. But when Cas grabbed me out of hell, you kept asking me questions. You wanted to see what I remembered. You almost seemed interested in the pain I went through. And that is not how you should deal with someone you care about after they went through a traumatic experience. I mean, you were younger when I came back from Hell and it hadn't really happened before so I understand you wanting to know the answers to all of your questions back then, no matter how much it annoyed me. But, now, your soul is back and you should know better than this."

"So you admit to going through a traumatic event?" Sam asked, trying to grab the upper hand in the conversation.

Dean didn't reply. He just stared blankly into the field that lay sprawled out in front of them.

_"__**I**__ told you to protect your brother, Dean; no matter what happened," John chided his son. "And what was your first move?"_

_"Letting Sammy out of the motel," Dean said, looking down at his feet._

_"What was that? Speak up. I can't hear you," John said, pressuring his son into talking again._

_"I let Sammy out of the motel," Dean said in a louder tone, but it was quiet enough not to wake the youngest Winchester, who was sleeping soundly on the boys' bed, the bloodied and bruised right side of his face toward the ceiling and his hands under his left cheek._

_John merely looked over to Sam, shook his head, and turned his attention back toward his oldest son._

_"But he really wanted to go outside," Dean said, in a tone that was almost whiny._

_"What did you say to me?" John asked, anger lacing his voice._

_"Nothing…" Dean said, already on the verge of tears._

_"You didn't say 'nothing__'. I distinctly heard you say something," John said, raising his voice a little bit toward his boy._

_"I said… 'But he really wanted to go outside'," Dean answered, hoping that John would stop talking so rudely toward him._

_Although John knew that his son was being honest, he didn't like the fact that he lied at first._

_He looked his nine year old son in the eyes and Dean looked down, again, toward his feet. If he were a dog, he would have lied down and turned over on his back; not for a tummy rubbing, but out of submission._

_John reached his hand out and smacked Dean on the side of his face._

_Dean was about to let a scream escape his lips when John grabbed him and covered his mouth._

_When the painful sensation that made Dean want to scream subsided, John let go and the boy tried to walk away, as calmly as he could._

_John grabbed his son's arm and turned him around so that he would be facing him._

_When Dean tried to look down, his father aggressively pushed his head up, by holding onto his chin, so they could maintain eye contact. John felt that, that way, Dean would be able to see the anger in his eyes so he would never make that mistake again._

_"I gave you a chance to repeat what you said the first time and you didn't take it," John said, quite loudly, although not loud enough to wake up the youngest boy._

_"And I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry," Dean cried, finally letting the tears, that he had been suppressing, slip down his face._

_John just gave his boy an ice-cold stare for a few moments — which felt like hours to Dean._

_"Stop crying and take this punishment like a Winchester!" John demanded._

_Finally, after a minute or so, Dean sniffled and the tears stopped flowing out of his eyes, although the remaining ones were still dripping down his face._

_"I don't get why this is such a big deal," Dean said, quietly. "Sammy didn't get hurt and we had fun, playing in the snow, until you came here and told us to get our 'asses' inside."_

_John almost hit his son again, but he decided better of it, only for the time being, though._

_"Don't say that word again. I am the only one in this family who gets to say it," John commanded. "And why was Sam's face all bruised, if he 'didn't get hurt'?"_

_Dean stayed silent until John prompted him, again, into telling him why Sam's face was bruised. "When you came and called for him, as you were grabbing me, I looked at him and I saw that he got scared and when he was running toward the door, he slipped and landed on his face. You pushed me inside and went over to him and scooped him up, bringing him into the motel. Then you brought him to the bed and told him to fall asleep and that everything would be better tomorrow."_

_John knew that his son was right. He just wanted to have Dean know what he had done to his brother._

_All of the sudden, Sam woke up and stood up, as he decided to figure out what all of the hubbub was about._

_He turned in the bed toward his dad and brother, just in time to see John yank on Dean's arm to make him face toward the bed and then he spanked Dean, right __**above**__ his butt, and pushed him toward the bed._

_"Now go to sleep. We're gonna be going onto the next motel in the morning," John instructed._

_With that, Dean walked toward the bed, that Sam was lying on, while looking down toward the ground miserably. What he didn't see was the young Sam turning back around and pretending to fall asleep._

_Dean crawled up into the bed and put a protective arm over his little brother, trying to forget what had just happened and trying to think away the stinging pain that he felt on his left cheek and lower back._

_John went and sat down on the bed that he was sleeping in by himself, with a big sigh, as he started to think about the huge mistake he had made. For some reason, hurting Dean was just a way for the grown man to let go of his anger. And he regretted that, terribly. But he was drunk and he knew that just because this was the first time the physical abuse had happened, it didn't mean that it would be the last. He had been drinking a, considerable, lot lately and he assumed that it would go on longer and that what happened that night would happen again, whether he wanted to try to differ himself or not. And, boy, was that only the beginning._

Sam had been waving his hand in his brothers face and calling his name throughout most of the memory Dean was having, but it was a fruitless attempt. So he gave up and tried to figure out what John could have done to upset and scar Dean so much.

As soon as Sam realized what it could have been, Dean snapped back into reality.

Sam just stared at his brother for a few seconds and then said, "Physical abuse."

Dean looked at his brother with an expression that said, "_Are you crazy?!_" and, "_How did you know?_"

"Dad physically abused you; didn't he, Dean?" Sam asked, genuinely curious.

Dean sighed, knowing that he was going to have to admit to the truth one day or another and, since Sam was asking for the truth now, that was when he should give it. "Yeah, uh… Dad kept away from… From hurting you, but I was, uh, well… Always afraid that he'd hurt you too so I was overprotective," Dean explained.

By this point, Sam wasn't "genuinely curious". He was _genuinely mad_.

"Really?" Dean nodded. "But I thought that Dad was always here for us… And I thought that he was protecting us, too..?"

"He was, kinda, protecting you, although that was mostly my job. But as much as he would try to protect me from demons and monsters… He could never protect me from one of the scariest ones… Himself." Dean sighed. "I mean, he would order me around and verbally abuse me, but he was just _that_ kinda person and I never really thought of it as abuse. Then, when he hit me for the first time… I, uh… I realized… He's an _abusive_ person."

"Oh," was all that Sam could muster.

"But only when he was drunk," Dean said, starting to defend his father like he always did, even though he really did not deserve it.

"When he was sober, like I said, he would order me around and he could be very… _Verbal_… But he wouldn't do anything physical." Again, he defended his father in his abusive actions.

"So you blame it on his drinking?" Sam asked, disbelief lacing his words. Dean just nodded his head. As much as Sam knew that Dean loved their dad, that he was used to defending him, that he didn't want to give him a bad reputation, and that being abused could scare a person, he was confused as to why Dean would be defending him now so he decided to voice his thoughts and opinion. "Dean… Dad's dead. He can't come back here and hurt you. I mean, he can haunt your ass, or something, but if he were going to do that, he would have done it by now. And I know that you're used to defending him, but I think it's time to stop that. Just because you love someone, it doesn't mean you should be a kiss-up. And it's just you and me here. You don't need to feel like you're hurting Dad's reputation. Because, from what I've seen, his reputation has never been the best one out there."

"Sammy… You looked up to him. You didn't wanna be like him, but he was still your father and that's something you admired. You've always thought he was the one protecting you. Sure, you knew that me and Bobby had helped with that, but you never knew that he wasn't really protecting you. You never knew the kind of man he really was, at least the man he was to me. So just because it isn't hurting his reputation for other people... I know, sure as hell, that it's hurting your view on him. The amazing person you thought he was... He isn't. And now you can be one hundred percent on that," Dean argued.

"I never thought that he was this 'amazing' man, Dean. I knew that he had his faults. I knew that he was verbally abusive and that he could be rude. I knew he was too harsh on both of us, especially you. Just because I didn't know about the physical abuse he set on you, it doesn't mean that my perception of him was a man to idolize."

Dean decided that arguing with Sam any more than what he had already done wouldn't be a good idea. Plus, the sun was setting and it would be dark in less than an hour.

He put his empty beer bottle in the cooler. He took Sam's bottle from him and did the same as he had done with his own. He put the cooler in the backseat of his beloved Impala, opened the driver's seat door, and just stood there.

Sam watched Dean and then got up, went to the passenger's side, and looked over at his brother.

They just stood there in silence for a while.

Then Dean sighed and started talking, to break the uncomfortable, awkward, yet weirdly comfortable, silence. "When you went away for those two weeks… Dad, uh… He blamed me for it. And it was obvious that he was beyond pissed. He drank a lot after the cases we did and, every time we came to the motels, he would take it all out on me."

Before Sam could apologize, for what he felt like was his fault, Dean reassured him, knowing the feeling Sam was having just by the look on his face. "Don't worry about it, Sammy. _It wasn't your fault._"

With that, Dean got in the car and shut the door.

Sam looked out into the field that had them surrounded. He exhaled sharply, opened his door, sat down, and slammed the door shut.

And, with that, the '67 Chevrolet Impala drove out and onto the regular road, going toward the Winchester's next case location.

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**_Extra:_ So, if y'all could let me know what you think of this story, that would mean a lot to me!**

**So please review! But please don't send me hate. Love is always accepted. :P My overall favorite type of review, though, is something that has constructive criticism. In my honest opinion, it is, like, sugarcoated criticism. It makes it sound like it isn't hate (and it isn't hate) because it has some positivity to it, but it also has suggestions that I could have made this story better and how I can improve it and make it more likable.**

**And please remember this!: I**** am completely open to debate(s) with this story. I want to know who agrees, who disagrees, what your opinions are on the whole deal, if I wrote this well, if I portrayed the characters well, if I was too OOC, etc. So please, review this and send me thought, and mind, provoking questions, thoughts, and "arguments."**

******Thank you for reading this (and possibly reviewing!). Have a wonderful rest of your day!**


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